love and form

theatre snob

2007-09-29T06:46:06Z

    I was woken up that morning by the goddamned cows mooing. Don’t get me wrong, I thought it was totally awesome to them out my window - just not at 6:00AM. B-J should have warned me, I thought, but I figured it just hadn’t crossed his mind. Cows mooing was a common occurrence in his little Dutch village. So awkwardly I sat in the tiny guest room for the next two hours trying to fall back to sleep, but the bovines would have none of it. Eventually I gave in and just read some Oscar Wilde.
   Around 10:00AM, I heard the house began to stir. I peered out from behind my door and Mr. and Mrs. Halewijn in the kitchen preparing brunch. Being a good guest, I offered to help, which they were more than happy to accept as none of their four sons had even left their bedrooms yet. Mrs. Halewijn gave me a pile of oranges and taught me how to use the juicer. As I squeezed the citrus, Mr. Halewijn tuned to me. It was the first time we’d spoken since I’d been there.
   “Did Bert tell you we are coming to New York in October?” he asked.
   “Yes. He told me you guys have tickets to see the Lion King.” I replied. He smiled.
   “Yes. He also told us that when he told you that, you called us ‘fucking tourists.’”
   I was speechless. How could I possibly respond?
   “It’s OK,” Mr. Halewijn laughed, “we are fucking tourists.”

creative writing final

2007-05-03T05:23:50Z

for our final, we were told to pick a painting by edward hopper and write a "collage piece" that was inspired by it. by collage piece, he means a piece of writing that features a few different forms of writing (our choice) from lists, to movie reviews, to memoir, to poetry....anything. so, here is mine so far, i'd really like some honest, intelligent feedback before i hand it in. thank you!

There was gentle silence in the room. It was the type of silence that in a movie would be characterized by a soft, flowing underscore composed of plinks on a piano and wind chimes. Faye sat on her bed staring out the window at a mother Peregrine falcon tending the nest she had built on the building across the street. To her, the silence was blaring. A harsh absence of noise and it gave her a headache. She leaned forward and moved her eyes slowly around her new bedroom. She stared at the whiteness of the walls. Melville was right, she thought. There was something terrifying about the blankness that surrounded her. They had so much potential. She could decorate the walls and make them beautiful, but that did not mean they would not one day be the witness to evil. Within these walls she could be robbed, she could be raped, she could be murdered. Sure, she owned the apartment, she had signed the lease, but it did not yet own her and until the bedroom accepted her as its owner, Faye knew she could not be safe. Then again, she hadn’t felt safe in weeks. Not since it ended.

She had lived in her last apartment ever since she finished grad school about five years ago. Two years ago, she had invited Ken to move in. They shared the place and it was bliss. They were going to get married, they were going to have children. They were going to live happily ever after. But then came a sudden road block by the name of Lillian Van Der Kleek and their life together came to a screeching halt. Once he was gone, she decided it was best she leave, too. Over the past two years the apartment had accepted Faye and Ken as its owners and she knew that if she stayed there, it might be years before the walls stopped asking her where he had gone.

Her eyes returned to the falcon who was now resting on top of her chicks in an attempt to keep them warm. Faye decided that she liked the bird – she’d call it Janice. Janice was a majestic creature even when she was just sitting on a nest. Faye remembered when the falcons were first introduced to the city. Some environmentalists had noticed that they were dying out, so they began breeding the birds and then reintroduced them into the wild. For some reason, the “wild” they chose was New York City. She had to give the animals credit though, they had certainly done well fitting in to their new home. Just look at Janice, she thought. She was sitting on that ledge as if it were a mighty oak. This inspired Faye. If some grandiose bird could get adapt, so she could she. Ken was over and it was time to move on. Still, she needed some convincing. She fumbled through one of her many boxes and found a small note pad as well as a pen. She spoke in capital letters as she wrote:

HERE IS A LIST OF REASONS WHY MY LIFE IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT KENNETH MANDRAKE IN IT:

NUMBER ONE: HE WAS A LYING, CHEATING BASTARD.

NUMBER TWO: HE WAS ALWAYS JEALOUS OF MY SUCCESS.

NUMBER THREE: HE SNORED. LOUDLY.

NUMBER FOUR: THIS APARTMENT HAS A BETTER VIEW.

NUMBER FIVE: HE ALWAYS LOOKED LOUSY IN PICTURES.

NUMBER SIX: MY MOTHER DIDN’T LIKE HIM.

NUMBER SEVEN: I HATED HIS MOTHER.

NUMBER EIGHT: HE NEVER TOOK ME DANCING.

NUMBER NINE: HIS GIFTS WERE CHEAP.

NUMBER TEN: JANICE WOULD HAVE HATED HIM.

NUMBER ELEVEN: I WON’T HAVE TO PRETEND TO LIKE STAR TREK ANYMORE.

NUMBER TWELVE: HE DIDN’T LIKE THAI FOOD.

Faye realized that most of these were not actual things that were better about her life now as much as they were things she had always hated about him, but still the list was therapeutic. It just felt nice to finally say those things out loud. She put down the pen and pad and began to walk around the room and then the entire apartment. She wore only a tank top and underwear. It reminded her of something a friend of hers had once said, “Living alone is the same as living with others, but with a lot less pants.” It was true.

As she wandered around her new living space she could feel the walls sniffing her like a dog would. She decided it was only right to extend the proverbial hand towards the mutt, so she unpacked her laptop and plugged it in. The apartment wagged its tail. Electricity, she thought, must be like a belly rub to this place. She connected to the building’s WiFi signal and checked her e-mail. Junk, spam, porn, male enhancers. There was, however, one e-mail of value amid the piles of trash.

From: Edward, from Shipping

To: Faye Gerhardt, VP of Sales

Subject: Status Report

Dear Ms. Gerhardt,

While I have been informed that you are taking a three day leave of absence, I felt that you may still be interested in any and all updates regarding this week’s shipment.

All shipments this week went well.

That is all.

Edward Bane

Shipping Department

It was odd to Faye how though Edward Bane was Vice President of the Shipping Department, he never referred to himself as such. He was always Edward, from shipping, as if he were at his senior prom awkwardly introducing himself to the head cheerleader, “Remember me? Edward, from biology.” It was unnecessary. She saw him almost weekly at administrative meetings – if she didn’t know who he was by now, then she’d be a real bitch. She further pondered this strange lack of title use until she decided that it just was not in his nature to brag. Those who knew Edward, from shipping knew what a kind and humble soul he was Faye knew that not many other employees would go out of their way to write her a personal e-mail keeping her up to date

a wednesday in late august, 2004

2007-04-30T21:37:40Z

The sky is pink on our last night together. Sitting on the beach; two Americans, a German, an Aussie and a Brit. We’re either the League of Nations or a great set up for a rather insulting joke. Thick accents mingle in the air as we watch the slowest falling star sink behind Connecticut and realize it’s the end. Conversation slows; the air is still and the sky is now indigo. “Think you’ll miss it?” I ask. No one answers.

aftermath of a lesser known significance

2007-04-30T21:17:31Z

when the towers fell
and the whole world crashed
it took about a year
but my Father lost his job

they announced it one day
but he left it months later
i’d say to him, Daddy,
why still go to that place?
They said I could work
till the money runs out.

and he did
and the money
ran out out the next June
and my Mother and i
sat and watched
he’d slump in his chair
and click for the jobs
that he wished, but knew
wouldn’t come

we never were poor
but things got quite tight
and i wept for the future
because i’d be starting school soon
and they said not to worry
so I never asked for money
i lost weight
i didn’t want to eat

i once watched the child
of a rather rich man
who asked me What is it like?
How does your life differ from mine?
Is it less renting movies?
Is it less eating out?
Is that how one lives when the money’s run out?
i just nodded and smiled
but never said yes
for had my mouth opened
it would have said things
i know that i now would regret

i watched him, my eyes
would tear at the sight
of a man who was broken and torn
but the anger would come
and it came from both sides
and i wanted to scream the most terrible things
tell him i’m not to blame
and rip him to shreds
curse at his failure
and make him feel small
but I never could hurt him that way
afterall
he did it enough to himself

in new york, a thing of beauty is a joy for exactly six months

2007-04-30T21:10:07Z

i wanted you in winter
when the world is white
and virginal
the frost clinging to
the noses we’d rub together
and we’d sit in the den sipping
hot chocolate dreams of chestnuts roasting
on our open passion
the snow would fall; and so would i
but i did not have you in winter

i first had you in spring-time
when the world was fresh
and in bloom
for the first time you saw me and
we blossomed with the trees; innocent
hands picking the flowers
the grass grew around us as we
threw ourselves into something new
when i first had you in spring-time

again i had you in summer
when the fireflies float
in the night
the distance meant nothing as you
wrapped me in your arms
your eyes matched the water we
watched from the shore; held hands
in the sand; watched the sun set
stars dotted the sky
when again i had you in summer

i had you the last time in autumn
when the crisp air shocks
and breaks you
the leaves changed, and so did we
from a fiery red to a dull and dead brown
but still it was good; you and i had some power
that nobody else ever needed to see
and no one did see when you
took me aside and told me
it was the last time in autumn

but,
oh lord!,
i had wanted you in winter

six foot six

2007-04-30T21:05:34Z

i wanted to immortalize him in
words eternal
for he was a giant
and he loved me like one
he held me and
engulfed me and
swallowed me whole

his face was stern
as it was his culture
he stood like a lighthouse
arms crossed, ever watching
impossible to miss
on the wide, open sea

when we’d sit together all
alone (even when
others were present)
he’d make me laugh
and I would, him
a grin would erupt from
the deep disposition
face would convulse
neither painful, nor sexual
and the noise he would make
(not loud as expected,
but still rather hearty)
was as if he
were a young boy
appreciating the joke, but,
afraid to get caught by
the man at the head of the class

his eyes when he laughed were
what enthralled me the most
like diamonds hit by the sun
trapped in a squint; shining
as brightly as they could
in their happy captivity

someday i’ll travel far and wide
find him again
for he was a giant
and he loved me like one
he held me and
engulfed me and
swallowed me whole
and never will
i be the same

28 improper ways to respond to the words "I love you."

2007-04-30T21:04:30Z

Oh.
Thanks.
That’s nice.
You’re so sweet.

Feelings mutual.
Great.
Cool.
Could you give me a minute? I got another call.

I’m sorry.
Oh no.
You what?
Um, yeah…

Huh?
Me too.
You’re kidding!
That’s funny.

You would.
Shut up.
So, how ‘bout them Mets?
Shh…shh…static! You’re breaking up!

Hmm.
I don’t blame you.
I’m pregnant.
Wow.

How embarrassing.
I hate you.
There’s another man.
::click::

a sonnet on the acceptance of mortality

2007-04-30T17:36:53Z

because i worry how this life will end
and let it keep me up on long, cold nights
i feel it better not to share with friends
my darkest fears and after midnight frights

yet still it clouds my mind each night and day
i wonder if i will have done enough
will i have searched and fin’ly found my way?
will i find love and is success that tough?

but why indulge in such immortal fears?
the sea and sky surround me so instead
i’ll celebrate my fate upon this earth
my eyes, my mouth, my nose, my hands and ears
(who do not know that one day they’ll be dead)
will show me this world’s beauty and it’s worth

the best possible way to spend a wednesday night

2007-04-30T17:34:50Z

dressed up for Wal-Mart and China Buffet
remember how they used to laugh at us, Dorothy?
we’d put on mascara
we’d straighten our hair
we were so desperate to look pretty
after slumming all week
but the girls, they didn’t get it
they’d ask where we were going
To a club? To a bar?
Do you have a hot date? Is it with that Dutch guy?
we’d smile and boast
no, we’re going to Wal-Mart
or maybe Target
oo! fancy tonight
then the twelve year olds would tell us
we didn’t know how to live
but they just can’t see the beauty of Wal-Mart
there’s clothing and movies
and sunscreen and batteries
add it all up, it’s only two bucks
and don’t tell me about child labor
or their employee conditions
bottom line is
they have AC, we don’t
so when we check out
we’re not even sweating
for the first time that week
we all still smelled good
then we’d head on next door to
The China Buffet
eating plate after plate
and placing our bets
The big guy will eat six plates,
But I could do seven!
then the big guy’d show us all
with eight and a half
so we’d laugh and we’d eat
and we’d vent and we’d laugh
fill our cones up with ice cream
and wait for the van
finally it would get us
and we’d go home to Camp
talking all the while about
how great the night had been

ah, those were the days, weren’t they Dorothy?
it wasn’t about the booze
and it wasn’t about the drugs
it was about fun without the need
to go to the beach after
with a bottle of tequila
or a hard packed bowl
it was about us
not as people, not as countries
not as classes, not as cliques
but as us
a bunch of misfits with
cheap clothing on our backs
and bad food in our stomachs
celebrating life and
getting dressed up
for something as simple as Wal-mart
and getting hyped for MSG at the China Buffet

as of yet untitled villanelle

2007-04-30T08:06:55Z

flowers in a golden field
open space in which to roll
and she denied her right to yield

a sunny spot on which she kneeled
felt warming rays that made her whole
flowers in a golden field

supple fruit she gently peeled
with juice that dripped into her soul
and she denied the right to yield

her thoughts, she felt, were well concealed
in her quiet, private knoll
flowers in a golden field

then suddenly, in he wheeled
with pigmented eyes of charcoal
and she denied her right to yield

with his kiss her fate was sealed
and she could see no darker toll
flowers in a golden field
and she denied her right to yield